Just fell off a train. Bad.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize