Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
