How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize