dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
