so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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