R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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