I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
