Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
