Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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