My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
