Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
