i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
