why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
