oh god the rape fog is back!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize