Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
