Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
