The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
