There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
