a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
did i just pee glitter
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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