I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
