You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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