I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
