I puked a lego.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Houston, we have a blender
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
