Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize