Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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