Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
