dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
