I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
