This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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