Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
