nut hugger
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
