I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He shit in the fireplace
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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