Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
