my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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