the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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