So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
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