We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
