chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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