I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
