I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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