i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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