I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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