He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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