yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
