I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
