Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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