a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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