oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
