wanna go halves on a baby?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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