Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
