you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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