i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize