I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
