Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
