I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
