i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
