we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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