Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
