i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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