make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
