Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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