I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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