Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
