And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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