hotel room ftw
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
