Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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