god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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