Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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