Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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