I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
3 2 1 whiskey
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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