So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize