She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
