he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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